Misery

Black Sun

The sun will burnout and everything will destroy, in the end.

Brain wandered away from the path of reason because soul had already gone somewhere. Leaving behind pure logic, memories and worries. So it decided to do something different. Now when you are not designed to do what you’re trying to do, you create absolute chaos, unless something magical happens out of nowhere and the chaos gives birth to something as beautiful and unique as life itself. How sad it would be if that life it created was unfair.

Silent Noise

There are things we see and there are things we do not see. Sounds we hear and sounds we do not hear. What ever is happening around us is real but there’s another life as real as this one happening everyday that we don’t experience as reality but it affects our lives as much as the real life. There are connections between us and the people we know, invisible connections. Whole conversations and emotions and feelings going on that we do not consider real because we are just too busy in the actual unreal stuff like technology and entertainment. We emit and absorb our essence into the universe, and it is exactly what we get back. We might lie to ourselves, our friends, even our God, but we cannot lie to our fate. We will never see our real face EVER, only mirrored reflections and  photographs, we can never learn everything about our own selves, everything we are told about ourselves are just conceptions of others about us. How we look, how we affect their lives and how good or bad we are to them. To truly learn about ourselves, we need to see beyond what others say and feel about us. We can choose to become what we actually are or what others want us to be. I have realised that we might run but we can never hide or get away from ourselves, our mind and heart will catch us and ask us questions sooner or later. Before God and before everyone else, we have to answer to our own selves. Are we able to look in our very own eyes and answer ourselves or are we still looking for an escape?

Particularly Myself

There is no escape. You can’t be a vagabond and an artist and still be a solid citizen, a wholesome, upstanding man. You want to get drunk, so you have to accept the hangover. You say yes to the sunlight and pure fantasies, so you have to say yes to the filth and the nausea. Everything is within you, gold and mud, happiness and pain, the laughter of childhood and the apprehension of death. Say yes to everything, shirk nothing. Don’t try to lie to yourself. You are not a solid citizen. You are not a Greek. You are not harmonious, or the master of yourself. You are a bird in the storm. Let it storm! Let it drive you! How much have you lied! A thousand times, even in your poems and books, you have played the harmonious man, the wise man, the happy, the enlightened man. In the same way, men attacking in war have played heroes, while their bowels twitched. My God, what a poor ape, what a fencer in the mirror man is- particularly the artist- particularly myself.

– Hermann Hesse, Wandering

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Tuesday was a bad day.

This happens to everyone. Another year disappeared in the mist of past leaving some memories behind. My mind circles around the things which I don’t own anymore. I am at more than one places at one time but time isn’t right for both. The white has become transparent and the blacks have disappeared. Emotions have lost in deadspace. Spaces are created equal, we disturb them. We break the rules and invade the rightous path with swords of sin and timber. The only truth I believe is that the clock won’t stop; Time is god.

O Fortuna

O Fortune,
like the moon
you are changeable,
always waxing
or waning;
hateful life
first oppresses
and then soothes
as fancy takes it;
poverty
and power
it melts them like ice.

Fate – monstrous
and empty,
you whirling wheel,
stand malevolent,
well-being is vain
and always fades to nothing,
shadowed
and veiled
you plague me too;
now through trickery,
I bring my bare back
to your villainy.

Fate, in health
and in virtue,
is against me,
driven on
and weighted down,
always enslaved.
So at this hour
without delay
pluck the vibrating string;
since Fate
strikes down the strong man,
everyone weep with me!

-Carmina Burana

Things to destroy…

Grapes are to be crushed to make wine, meat is to be chopped to make sausages. If your life’s treating you really bad, its actually turning you into something you’re supposed to be. Something unique and mutant. I wish I understood what I was saying.

Lost in Light

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.
You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.
Oh plunge me deep in love — put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

‘I Am Not Yours’ by Sarah Teasdale

Hands are red with your blame

♥

Hands are red with your blame
Megaphone screaming my name
Whimpers someone I should’ve loved
Souls weeping above
I’ve seen what you’re doing to me
Destroying puppet strings
To our souls
Micro waves me insane
A blade cuts in your brain
To sounds like a fork on a plate
Blackboard scratched with hate
I’ve seen what you’re doing to me
Destroying puppet strings
To our souls

Microcuts – Muse